So.. my second tip would be to surround yourself with friends. They will be your family and support through the next few months. When my Squaddie was away, I can't honestly say I handled it particularly well. Although in the eyes of others, I tried to pretend it was all fine! In reality, I was terrified everyday. Couldn't sleep. Heart skipped a beat everytime it rang with an unknown number. And the worst bit, I hid away from all my friends. I was so worried I'd be miserable and boring, that I just didn't want to see my friends.
I couldn't bring myself to ask for help. It was difficult sometimes having friends completely detached from army life. Sometimes talking to a fellow SWAG is easier because they know how you are feeling. It's difficult to explain how it feels without sounding like a horrendous drama queen!!
When I did muster up the courage to say I needed my friends, one in particular, they were always there. Whether it was just to make me laugh, someone to cry with or just to talk about the possibilities of what could happen to Squaddie.
My birthday in particular was one of the best and worst birthdays I've ever had! It was just over a month after Squaddie had left for Afghan, we'd manage to talk most days which was incredible! My birthday came around sooner than I thought and I woke up at about 5am to a message from my Squaddie wishing me a happy birthday. All I could do was cry then! I wished he could have been there and that I was waking up to him giving me a kiss and a cuddle, wishing me a happy birthday. No such luck! I decided I just wanted to go back to sleep, I wasn't ready to be bubbly and bright yet!
I woke up a few hours later and went downstairs to my mum and step dad cooking my breakfast and a pile of cards on the kitchen island. Now I missed the boy, and deep down I was still upset... but no matter how old you are, when you see cards and presents on your birthday, you revert to an excited 12 year old! I opened my cards from all the family and put them on the shelves in the breakfast room. I ate my breakfast, crispy bacon, cheesy beans and a fried egg! YUM!
Then I was given my present...And I cried for a second time... it was only 9am!! My family had bought me a driving experience in a Lambourghini... my favourite cars ever! I was told I was going to lunch first and then we were going to Chobham! I was thrilled, absolutely thrilled! But all I wanted to do was tell Squaddie and share my excitement with him. I got dressed in fairly inappropriate clothes to drive in... short skirt and flip flops!! I did take a pair of driving shoes and leggings though!
We arrived at the restaurant and as it was a nice day, we had a bottle of champers in the garden. Half way through my first glass, one of my best friends Leila walked through the doors! Third set of tears of the day! Next two people to walk through the door were Squaddie's mum and dad.... FOURTH set of tears! I seriously need to man up at this point!!
Squaddie's mum & dad had bought his present and card with them.... please welcome the FIFTH set of tears for the day!! He'd bought me a Links London charm bracelet, something I've always wanted, with a solid silver heart charm, just the perfect present. Sadly I can't say the same about his card....... in which he'd drawn something I can only describe as not suitable for parents eyes...! I have attached a picture below to save the awkward description!
The six of us then had lunch and off we went to Chobham! I was so excited, but it still felt like something was missing. Leila had become my boyfriend at that point, not in a sexual way!!! I drove the Lambourghini and rushed home for my party that evening.
I was getting ready in the hotel with Leila when my phone rang, of course it was my Squaddie. I was so happy that I could hear his voice on my birthday! It was about 9pm and I didn't think we'd be able to talk as Afghanistan is 3.5 hours ahead of England. I had a brief conversation with him, they don't get much time on the phones, and before I knew it we had to say goodbye. I don't think I need to explain what happened next.... *Sixth time!!*
It was an emotional evening, split between having a brilliant time and sobbing!! If it hadn't been for my friends and family that day and night, I would have had the worst birthday. But in fact, they all made an extremely tough day into a brilliant one.
Friends are the rocks that keep your cliff from falling. There were times when I would just cry and cry and cry and still manage to cry some more when I didn't think I had any tears left. I was scared to talk to my friends, I didn't want to be seen as weak or pathetic, I didn't want it to get back to Squaddie that I was in such shit state either! But the few times I managed to drag my arse out of bed to see my friends, they made it so much fun, and I was actually laughing at a time when I felt like I had nothing to laugh about.
My friends are the best. So this blog will be dedicated to:
(IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER!!! Keeping it fair!)
Ben
Bisson
Davies
Emma
Georgie
Jenny
Lauren
Leila
Nik
Paddy
Rob
Silvey
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